Monday, 30 May 2016

A Piece of ME

This post will be controversial but its merely my point of view. This is me putting pen to paper and documenting an experience and my take on some matters in life as advised by psychologists. Excuse my english skills but I promise it is much better than my older posts, progression!

Lately I have ventured on a soul cleansing, self finding and meditational trip from Bristol, Cornwall - the west coast of England, the Moroccan desert and hospitals, back to London with a virus then Morroco again and last but not least volunteering in a refugee camp in France!!! For the past 1.5 months I haven't set foot in one city for more than 2 weeks which has been an illuminating and purifying experience for sure.

The reason behind this trip is purely to meditate, reflect, think of the past and all its junk, reflect on the roller coster of relation ships and life. Here is only a glimpse of the points I uncovered. 

1- Know who you are!!

If you don't know who you are then who else will?  Everyone individually needs to know who they are, if they don't then they need to find out by either exploring, venturing, challenging themselves or simply by stepping out of their comfort zone and out of the traditional expectations.
You can't expect to go through life waiting for others to define you, why ? Because its not healthy and is simply wrong. This allows anyone to decide what you are worth, it gives them the opportunity to put you down by any means possible only to prove they are better! Sad isn't it!  The problem is that those people only do so because they are lost souls themselves and they do not realise it. They unfortunately don't see the damage they are causing to others. This then ends up being a vicious circle of lost souls stepping on top of each other just to climb the hill of life!

2- Confidence VS arrogance

If you are they type of person who is confident about themselves, their actions and life choices then good, don't stop, you are on the correct path my friend. This being said caution is required here, careful not to confuse your confidence with your ego and arrogance. Ego can be a very destructive and illusion creator tool, it feeds on our weaknesses and enhances our strengths ( the bad as well as the good) only to make us feel empowered. There is a fine line between the two and sadly you will only know when you really mess up your illusion fed life and get hit by the brutal reality.

How I think you can reach the balance : be confident about your life choices, the people you know, your relationships and most important yourself but always make sure you stop and re-evaluate everything and make the necessary changes. Do not fear change and do not worry of stepping back, it is only normal as we are purely human. Be an Optimist : 

3- It's OK to say NO.  

Yes it is, there is nothing wrong with not accepting to follow the herd because they sound wise, there is nothing wrong of disagreeing with others!

I have a theory, which can be wrong and might change with time but so far I agree with it : 
By the age of 10 you listen to your parents and teachers giving you the wisdom and  bestowing it on your young naive mind. By the age of 20 you listen to your friends, society, university professors and still your parents only because you are still insecure and scared of being wrong and mocked at. By the age of 30  - and probably until you are a parent yourself- : you now have reached a saturated emotional stage, a stage where you have heard a lot, absorbed a lot,  seen enough and been through some painful experiences. At this stage of life your personality and emotions should have reached it's maturity stage, it can now help you make reasonable choices and even better it can give you the confidence to live life without regrets! Amazing isn't it! .. At this point of your life you know when you need to say NO .. It will be better if you can do that sooner but you need to experience the ups and downs of life to properly say No with your head held high.. 
Truth to be told, this year framed theory applies to the majority of people I met so far, but I have met some exceptional cases of mature 20 years old hence it is not a rule.

One key point here : Everyone is entitled to their opinion, everyone is entitled to be different, its not a competition, same applies to you, respect that and don't judge it. 

4- Do you know what a healthy relationship means?  

It is important to identify what is healthy for you and what is not.

I truly believe that a healthy relationship would make you strive to be the best person you can be without any pressure or criticism. When in a good healthy partnership a person shouldn't feel forced to change who they are; a person should feel nourished, supported and accepted which includes the good and bad. If your partner makes you feel not worthy and is always trying to change you to suite them then this raises a red flag, this only means you will always be aiming to please them and not yourself thus not being true to yourself. If you loose yourself it is very hard to gain it back, and the damage caused might be irreversible.

In a healthy relationship you should not be ashamed of being yourself.

Alain De Botton from the New York Times puts it nicely : ' Compatibility is an achievement of love; it must not be its precondition '.

The Grand Finale :

To sum up : we are only part of the circle of life, we might think that the world revolves around us but it doesn't. Knowing who we are and what we are capable of only makes life run smoother. This helps us give to others whether its time, passion, care or just a smile.

Life is too short to live in regret, it is too short to live sadly and miserably. There is so much misery in this world that our positivity is desperately needed to help others who are less fortunate. As long as we can breathe, are healthy and loved then we are lucky for sure.

Love to ALL.


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